VEXED AT SEX

Sex.

Three little letters. One big problem.

A thing of beauty, now so misused, abused and corrupted that the word is now either taboo or a marketing tool. And don’t we love to market; ourselves, our music, our books, our movies, our banks, even tractors are now advertised with a skimpily clad woman loitering nearby. Very soon we will use sex appeal to sell manure.

The cornerstone of the spiderman franchise is a conversation our hero has with his soon-to-be-deceased uncle, where he is told the life-altering words, “ with great power comes great responsibility”. Sex is powerful, but we have become so hedonistic in our approach to it that we now display irresponsibility to the nth degree.

There is so much that grieves me concerning sex that I fear a single post will in no way do it justice, so I will break it down over a series of musings, but for today I want to quickly touch on an aspect of it that has me up at 4:00a.m in a huff.

Pre- and extra- marital sex.

Sex between two unmarried people has an age old and universally recognised term. It’s called fornication. It’s a shameful word so the people indulging in it have come up with a variety of substitutes to, in my opinion, console themselves. This is cos for someone with even the most basic of moral upbringing, sex outside marriage fills the person with shame even though they try to bury it and forget occasionally. They’d never dare do it with the full knowledge of, say, their parents, and they’d blame everything from alcohol to the devil when they’re caught in the act.

Same goes for when a married person has sex with someone other than their spouse. That is called adultery. Same shame, same blame.

I stand to be corrected, but I don’t know of any term for sex between a man and his wife.

Doesn’t that say something in and of itself?

My main beef this early morning is with the emotional complication that illicit sex brings. I strongly believe that if an individual takes an honest look back at past, failed relationships and is able to go back in time and delete the sex, it’ll paint a whole different picture.

For one, there’ll be a lot less regret, cos you wouldn’t have cast your pearls before swine. Also, you’ll go into marriage a whole lot more confident cos you’re presenting your spouse with the most eloquent, definitive gesture of love and devotion by presenting your chastity.

Secondly, if one is to be honest, sex keeps people trapped in dead-end relationships, wasting valuable time in something THEY KNOW has NO FUTURE! It blinds the eye to obvious character flaws and serious incompatibility issues just because they’re ‘having great sex’. Rubbish.

It makes them feel that there’s more substance than there actually is, because they’ve filled in all the blank, empty spaces will carnal lust. They feel close to the person, ‘in love’ with the person, then one day they wake up when the euphoria has dissipated and realise they actually have no idea who this person is.

It’s deceptive and addictive, and like any addiction, the more you get, the more you want.

It keeps people stuck in a sick cycle carousel until something finally gives and the proverbial camel’s back is broken, and sex isn’t enough anymore.

There’s the realisation that the relationship is just ‘going out’ then ‘going in’, nothing deep or soul-stirring, just hot and loin-stirring. How far can that take you?

But sadly, instead of learning from these experiences, the same cycle is played out in the very next relationship! How ridiculous can a person get? If it didn’t work last time out, what makes you think it will this time?

All the time wasted engaging in this risky (HIV anyone?) and unprofitable activity could and should be spent in honest and diligent study of the relationship as a whole, answering such questions as why you’re there in the first place, what is the end-game, how is the relationship improving you as a person, would your parents be proud of you, and most importantly, if God were visually present would anything change? Yes, visually cos He’s there whether you see Him or not, whether you believe or not.

If even one of these answers falls to the negative curve, then there is a serious problem.

Why are we so hung up on sex any way? After marriage a person can get it every day for the rest of their life if they so desire, and neither God nor man will raise an eyebrow.

So why let sex taint what could and should be an enriching and heart warming relationship? Why rob yourself of the clarity needed to discover all you can, in order to find and settle into the marriage that has been saved JUST FOR YOU.....

                                                                                                                To be continued